Impossible
by katz7777777
Summary: He knew these feelings well, too well. And he knew, more than anything, what they would do to him, to them. He knew that he had absolutely no chance. He knew it was Impossible. Oneshot, Angst.


**A/N: ****I started writing this after listening to **Impossible**- by Shontelle, thought it has almost no relation to the actual song... Hopefully this will rid me of my writers block for my other stories, so I hope you enjoy!**_  
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_Impossible_

The word invaded my thoughts as I sat in the tall grass, my gaze lingering on the sleeping face of my brother. I breathed in the scent of clean air, the smell of field providing an overwhelming sense of calm, a sense of peacefulness when actuality was anything but.

I tore my gaze away from the sleeping figure on my lap, trying to distract myself from the source of this persuasive thought. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to know, I didn't even want to be here. Yet a compelling sense of want, of need, kept me seated, kept me resting by his side.

I felt his body move beneath me as he twisted in his sleep, his head repositioning itself before the movements settled again, his breaths deep and even. I released the breath that had hitched when he stirred, my heart silently praying that he wouldn't wake from his slumber.

He always looked so comfortable in his sleep, so happy, almost like nothing in the world could ever touch him. It was such a contrast from his normal nature, the fake smile, the constant suspicion, the tensed fear. Part of me wished that he could just stay like this forever, never to wake to the cruel reality that surrounded us.

The other part of me wishes for something much darker, something brother would curse me for even contemplating. The part of me that wished I was never there, never born, never brought within universes of his life. The part of me that knows I've caused him more pain than I could ever happiness.

Regardless of how many times brother has told me otherwise, I know it's my fault. Everything is my fault.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how useless I actually was. There was so little that I could do for him, so little I could take back, and so much I had made permanent. I created wounds that even I couldn't heal.

I shook my head, trying to clear these destructive thoughts from my mind. Regardless of how often I threw my self into this venomous pit of despair, it wasn't going to change anything, I couldn't change anything.

I stared up at the clear skies, the colour reminding me of something, something nostalgic, something I couldn't quite remember. I stared a little longer at the azure skies, the memory on the brink of my consciousness, when a light breeze ruffled thorough my hair, blowing something onto my arm.

I glanced cautiously down at my side, only to notice that brothers hair, normally pulled back into a rough ponytail, was splayed across his face, strands tickling my arm as they escaped their previous settling.

I lifted my arm from the hair, letting the strands graze the grass as I reached towards brothers bangs, brushing the stray strands away from his sleeping face. I watched as his face contorted in discomfort, displeased with the light touch, until he rolled over, curling his body into my own.

My breath caught again as I tried to calm my now accelerated heartbeat, the air feeling warmer than before. I could tell my face was flushed from the sudden body contact, the red probably rising to my pale ears. I took a few deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm myself, my heart longing to cling to the smaller boy for dear life, my mind telling me to run and escape this inescapable feeling.

I let the two struggle for dominance while I let my hand wander to brothers hair again, running the strands through my fingers effortlessly. I felt him lean into the touch, and I unconsciously slowed my pace, grazing my fingers over his face, resisting the compelling urge to touch him more.

The image reminded me of a cat.

I smiled at the thought of brother being related to a cat, remembering the time I had brought with me the small kitten, the one he refused to take care of. At the time, I really wanted to keep the cat, I wanted to tend to it myself. But brother was right, we couldn't take a cat with us, not where we were going.

I smiled at the the cat-like male on my lap, unable to resist the urge to scratch him behind the ears. A muffled sound rumbled from the blonde haired male as he reached up to rub away the sleepiness from his face.

I quickly retracted my hand, pulling it to my side incase he wasn't incredibly pleased at being woken. I felt my heart skip a little when he opened his golden eyes, his gaze falling directly onto mine. I would swear my stomach became a gymnast when a small smile graced his features, my own mouth curving upwards into what I prayed didn't look like a forced grimace.

"Morning." I said, speaking over the wind that was winding through the field.

Brother looked up at the sky before returning his gaze to mine, a small smirk replacing his sleepy grin, "Doesn't look like morning anymore."

I stared up at the sun that had slowly moved during my enveloping thoughts, and noticed that it had indeed shifted further west than I had thought, though still had time before the azure sky darkened to reveal a thick black night.

"True..." I mumbled, not bringing my gaze back to his, but choosing instead to stare at the overgrown field. I heard a little sigh as brother dragged his gaze away from my face, staring up at the singular cloud that floated in the else wise spotless sky.

We sat in a comfortable silence, most of our thoughts already known to the other even without having to make eye-contact. Only our deepest, most concerning thoughts were stored away, the ones that even our conscious mind barely contemplated.

However, silence gave me the opportunity to think, the opportunity to resurface these old and locked thoughts regardless of whether or not I wanted to.

My thoughts were quick to turn dark, their presence slowly eating away at my conscience as I sunk deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of self hatred. It took all my willpower to force them back into the corner from whence they came, and to focus my thoughts on something brighter. Something that didn't have to do with these unnatural feelings for my brother.

"Al?" Brother asked, his voice laced with concern.

I took a second to open my eyes that I hadn't realized were squeezed shut, and tried to relax the tensing muscles in my body. I shook my head a little for clarity before I glanced down at brother with what I hoped was a convincing smile.

Based on the relief that flooded into his gaze, I assumed that I had created a believable appearance.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked, his gaze returning to the cloud that had shrunk in size, wisps of white flowing from it.

I smiled a little, racking my brain for another believable lie, "Wondering what's for dinner."

"You think it's stew?" He asked hopefully, casting me a glance. The cat image soon changed to that of a puppy.

"You always want stew, brother." I said, my voice slightly taunt.

"And you don't?" He asked, the laughter in his voice sending butterflies ricocheting around my stomach.

I glanced at the sun as its originally bright colour was fading into a darker crimson light, the light sky fading to a dark blue.

"It's getting late, we should head back." I said as I shifted my weight, implying that I wanted to older male to remove himself from my lap.

A slight grumbling noise escaped his lips before he sat up, lifting himself off the now flattened grass. He took a few steps before he turned around, hair flowing behind him.

"You coming?"

I nodded, and slowly picked myself off the grass, legs numb from lack of circulation.

I walked towards brother, and we fell into pace beside each other, wandering back onto the dirt-ridden path. We didn't walk long in silence before I saw a recognizable face walking towards us, a gas lantern in her hand.

"Ed! Al!" She yelled, her voice carrying over the wind to us.

I glanced over at the older male beside me, noting the slight flush that appeared on his face when she yelled his name.

"Winry!" He yelled back, raising a hand to acknowledge her.

She quickly jogged up to us, a bright smile covering her face when she stood no more than a few feet away from brother.

"You guys finally coming back?" She asked, he voice as cheerful as ever.

I felt like someone stabbed a skewer through my heart when brother smiled the happiest he had in a while, a smile he hasn't shown me in years.

I stared at the dirt road as we walked back to the house, ignoring their ongoing conversation as I tried not to drown in my thoughts. We finally reached the front porch when the two of them stopped moving. I started opening the door before I sent a questioning glance at my brother.

"Go ahead Al, we'll be there in a minute." He said, that smile not having left his face since the blonde girl arrived.

I pulled up a meager smile, but it fell as soon as I saw the intertwined fingers of the two. It hurt.

I threw a quick nod over my shoulder before I turned around and stumbled into the house, closing the door behind me as I wandered into my bedroom, searching for the safe confines of pillows and blankets. As soon as the door closed, I was collapsed on the bed, tears rolling uncontrollably down my face as the image replayed itself over and over in my mind.

I love you, Edward Elric.

_Impossible._

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**A/N: I don't really know wtf I just wrote... I'm sorry if this is really confusing and all over the place, cause that's what it felt like when I read it, but my friend convinced me to post it, so here it is... I swear, my fingers just type angst, they love it. Anyways, thanks for reading till the end!**_  
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**~Katz7777777**


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